I'm Fine (3x09 Drabble)
by loulou26
Summary: When Diggle returns with news of Oliver, Felicity doesn't know how to take it.


Felicity heard footsteps coming down the metal stairs. Shooting out of her chair, she raced to greet him.

"What happened? Did you find Nyssa?"

Diggle looked at her with a solemn expression and her insides turned to ice.

"No."

"Felicity…" Diggle moved closer, one hand reaching out to grasp her arm. She could see his throat working hard to swallow. "He's gone."

"He's…gone." She repeated, the ice working its way around her heart.

Diggle shook his head and grabbed her other arm, as if he were afraid that she might collapse. "Nyssa said…" He paused, the words too painful to say.

"He's gone." Felicity nodded, biting her lower lip. She couldn't look at Diggle, couldn't bear to see the shimmer of tears in his eyes. Mostly she knew that if she looked, she wouldn't be able to stand the sympathy she knew she'd see.

She extracted herself from his grip, and wrapped her arms around herself as she walked back over to her desk. Oliver's face stared back at her from her computer monitor. She'd been searching for three days with nothing coming up. But she'd still had hope.

Even when Diggle had told her he was meeting with Nyssa, she'd still had hope. That maybe he'd won the battle and he was just recuperating somewhere. That maybe she just needed to find him and bring him back home.

"Felicity, are you okay?"

Adjusting her glasses, she turned back to face him. He was standing there, looking so…lost, so hurt. She wanted to offer words of comfort, but nothing came to her. She was numb.

"I'm fine." She replied, her voice emotionless, almost robotic. "I need to go. I have to go to work."

Diggle frowned. "Felicity…"

"John, I need to go."

She walked out of the Foundry without another word, Diggle didn't chase after her, and for that, she was grateful.

* * *

Sitting at her desk at Palmer Technologies, Felicity's fingers hovered over her keyboard. Her eyes stared at the screen but they saw nothing.

"Oh good, you're back. I wanted to talk to you about earlier." Ray breezed into her office, excitement radiating off him in waves. "I wondered if you'd had a chance to think about my proposal."

She blinked and looked up at him. "What?"

He smiled. "My offer, I wanted to know if you'd had a chance to think about helping me."

"Oh uh, no."

"No, as in you don't want to help? Or no, as in you haven't thought about it?"

She shook her head and stood up. "No, I haven't thought about it."

Ray's forehead creased into a frown. "Felicity, are you okay? You seem a little distracted."

She closed down her computer and grabbed her purse. "I'm fine. I have to go."

She could feel Ray staring as she walked past him and out of the office, but she didn't stop. She couldn't stop. By the time she was inside the elevator, Felicity had bitten her bottom lip so hard that she could taste blood. But she didn't even feel the pain.

* * *

Somehow, she ended up back at the Foundry. Diggle was no longer there and she didn't know whether to feel relieved or sad about that.

She drew in a shaky breath and leaned against the med table. So many times, he had lain there, bleeding, dying. So many times she had almost lost him. And now…

Her mind replayed Digg's words. "_He's gone_." But that cold feeling that had crept into her heart hadn't dissipated. The numbness spread into her limbs until she had no choice but to sit down.

She was still staring at the med table when Roy came in. "Felicity."

"Hmm?" She tore her eyes away from the table and looked into the sad face of her friend.

"I just talked to Digg. I wanted to make sure you were okay."

"Everyone keeps asking me that." She replied, her voice flat.

Roy crouched down in front of her and placed a finger under her chin, forcing her to look at him. "But are you?"

She shrugged helplessly. "I'm fine."

"You're not fine, Felicity."

"No, I'm not." An alert sounded from her computer. A man she'd been tracking was attempting to leave the city. "Roy, you have to suit up."

Clearly shocked, he stood back up. "What?"

"Malone is trying to leave the city. You know we need to catch him, we've been working for months to get him. Oliver was-" She was unprepared for the bolt of pain that shot through her at the mention of his name. It was so strong she had to grip the edge of her desk.

"Felicity…"

"Roy, I know what you're thinking but please, right now, I want to catch this guy."

Understanding dawned in his eyes and Roy nodded, moving away to get his Arsenal gear. "I'll be back soon."

He took one last look at her, his face filled with sorrow, but she nodded. "I'm fine, Roy."

He didn't look convinced but right now, she didn't care. She kept her eyes glued to her monitor until she knew he was gone. Taking off her glasses, she stood up and moved slowly back to the middle of the Foundry.

Looking around, feeling lost, her eyes landed on Oliver's grey hoodie that was lying across the back of a chair. She reached out to touch it, the material soft and worn, and the pain she'd been avoiding slammed into her so hard that she had to gasp for breath.

Her hands fisted in the fabric as her knees buckled, and she fell to the floor. Clutching it to her chest tightly, as if it might somehow stop the pain in her heart, Felicity leaned back against a stack of draws.

For the first time since Diggle had said the words she'd been dreading, Felicity felt a tear roll down her cheek.

She nuzzled the hoodie against her face, breathing in his familiar scent, and the wall that she'd erected came crashing down around her. _Oliver_. He was gone. He'd left her.

Her sobs grew harder as she cried into the hoodie. "I'm so sorry." She gasped. "I'm sorry, Oliver."

Breathing became difficult, her chest ached and her head was spinning. She didn't even register the hands on her arms until her name was being shouted.

"Felicity!"

Trying to draw breath, Felicity peeked out from the hoodie to see Diggle hovering over her, his face contorted with worry. She tried to speak but found that she couldn't, so she let him draw her into his arms.

"Oh Felicity. We're gonna get through this, I promise."

She kept her eyes closed as she leaned against his chest, still holding the grey fabric under her nose. "How?"

"I don't know."

Slowly she raised her head and looked up at him. "He's gone, John."

Diggle nodded, a tear slipping from his eye.

"I never told him."

"What?" He asked softly, wiping away her tears. "Told him what?"

"Before he left, he told me that he loved me. And I never said it back."

The sobs began again, wracking her chest. She dropped her head back against Digg's shoulder. "I loved him, and I never told him."

Diggle didn't reply, because they both knew that there was nothing he could say to make this any better.

Instead, he sat with her on the cold, concrete floor, holding her as she cried.


End file.
